Theory of Happiness
by Jugbean
Summary: Tomoyo Daidouji teaches us that sometimes, unrequited love is watching the person you love being happy, that in turn becomes your own happiness as well. Falling for Eriol has created such a strange, but poignantly true theory for the amethyst-eyed girl.


Cardcaptor Sakura

Author Notes:

Aww, I decided to write a pretty melancholy Tomoyo fic and how she patiently pins for Eriol and awaits the day her thought-to-be unrequited love will one day be returned. ) Or so she thinks it is unrequited anyway!

Enjoy,

chiri no tenshi

****

Theory of Happiness

"Daidouji-san? Is something the matter?"

Tomoyo blinked for the first time, awakening from her momentary reverie as she turned slowly to meet the source of voice. It belonged to the amber-eyed boy seated diagonally behind her. His eyes held worry and radiated an aura of protectiveness she knew he possessed when it concerned a friend like her.

She quickly recovered with a smooth smile, "Daijoubu, Li-kun." _Please go back to your work and don't bother about me. I'll be fine. _She added silently behind, and prayed her amethyst eyes shone with genuine reassurance at this moment. Though Syaoran was not a boy known for his sharp observations, he was always getting overly concerned with Tomoyo, who had been like his sister for years.

She saw his eyes softened. Obviously he had noticed something was wrong.

"Daidouji-san…" He paused, wanting to continue.

"I'm really alright, Li-kun." Tomoyo allowed another smile to spill upon her features. She held up both hands to prove her point. "See? I'm really okay. Please don't worry too much about me."

Syaoran let out a sigh before steadying his gaze once more, his eyes expressing steel support for her. "You've been looking troubled these days. I know…you have your privacy," his cheeks colored with embarrassment, "but if there really is a problem, please don't keep it to yourself, alright?"

Tomoyo smiled and nodded, trying not to let her true melancholy self dominate her features this moment. "Alright, Li-kun."

Making sure Syaoran was working hard at his homework in his desk once more, Tomoyo turned back to her pile of worksheets and picked up her wooden pencil once more.

Discipline told her to finish up the last piece of homework, but her heart argued otherwise.

A sigh escaped her lips almost inaudibly. These few nights had almost left her insomniac. All those hours spent in bed tossing and turning and thinking about a certain blue-eyed boy had drove her half-insane.

And it made her mad that she was wasting half of her life away on _love, _or worst, thinking about someone when she had no other business at hands. If Okaa-sama were to know about it, that she was concentrating on other stuff other than education at hands that was most important, she would definitely flip.

Yet, Tomoyo could not help it.

Tugging a lock of raven tresses behind her head, images conjured in her head once more. Mesmerizing dark azure eyes that revealed years of wisdom and knowledge beyond his age, a sense of maturity that fringed those entrancing chambers that made her unable to look away. And then there was _that _hair, equally blue, marine to the extent it colored her vision like a sea of ripples.

And oh, whenever the wind blew at it and played its strands, they had shimmered like pool's droplets into her eyes.

Tomoyo felt her heart clenched abruptly, and she was surprised at the pain that knifed through her at the moment.

__

Please concentrate on your homework, Tomoyo. She chided herself, but in a moment's time, she realized it was useless. She had drawn frantic doodles all over her homework by the time she noticed it.

It did not help that her classmates, mostly the girls, were now busy ogling at someone at the door, caught up with talking vivaciously among them and giggling away like maniacal animals.

She _knew _he must have arrived, for it was obvious how his trademark low baritone voice rang out in the classroom.

"Ohayou, minna-san."

Tomoyo could count the ways each time he approached the class.

Girls would scream.

His footsteps could be heard as he walked down the alley.

The usual questions from fellow classmen. "Have you done your homework?" "Could you lend me a copy of yours?" "Are you free for lunch this afternoon?" All boys and girls would hurry after the man like addicted drug-users.

Tomoyo refused to look up, having used to it like a daily routine each day. Him walking in, her looking down, too afraid to gaze into his blue depths and get lost in them. The fact that she was practically transparent before his eyes did not help either.

It wasn't like she was a coward. She had once, in a strangely bold manner, waved at the incoming teenage boy, and had said in a vivacious way, "Ohayou, Hiiragizawa-kun!"

And he had merely walked by with a slight nod, too busy answering his other classmates' questions to bother about her insignificant remark.

Boy, and that hurt forever. She gave up trying thereafter.

Tomoyo's grip upon the pencil tightened, and she heard him take his seat behind her. Somehow, fate always coincided in such a way that she would always be a seat right in front of him. Perhaps God wanted to remind her that reality was cruel in such a way she was just _there, _but not visible before his eyes.

"Ohayou, my little descendant." Until now, even though all of them had grown up to become 17 studying as teenagers in Seijouu High, Eriol still had not given up at the slightest chance to poke fun at Syaoran.

That made Tomoyo smile a little, hearing the rough intentional cough from the amber-eyed boy behind.

"Ohayou, Hiiragizawa." A reluctant tone.

Tomoyo unconsciously let out a small sigh and began working on her Math sums once more. Perhaps Eriol couldn't learn to notice her, perhaps Eriol couldn't learn to acknowledge her even as a friend, but still, it was not wrong to love someone, would it?

The fact that she had came home one day realizing she had fallen in love with Eriol Hiiragizawa still befuddled her. After all, both were distant strangers since Day One, and had barely become friends even. What sudden notion had made her compel in liking that man?

…when she started noticing the special way he walked down walkways into school, the special way he had once kicked a single pebble that rocketed across the road, the special way he smiled at everyone in hallways, the special way he was gifted in academy grades, the special way he could compose any piece on the piano on impromptu…

Perhaps it was then she realized he wasn't just an Eriol Hiiragizawa, but _the _Eriol Hiiragizawa she had discovered more and more each day.

"Daidouji-san?" A polite, distant question from the back.

Tomoyo felt her shoulders tensed, but quelled her emotions to turn around. Amethyst met azure, and hers were lost in them forever.

She steadied herself in a pathetic attempt. "H-Hai?"

Eriol seemed to notice her stutters, as his eyes now narrowed with concern. "Are you alright, Daidouji-san?"

"Hai." She shot a smile, the one everyone was familiar with especially so when Tomoyo Daidouji was exceptionally nice and friendly. "What is the matter, Hiiragizawa-kun?"

"I just wanted to borrow a pen. Mine ran out of ink. Will it be okay?"

__

Oh.

Another feigned smile that was all too familiar for her daily practice, "Of course." She returned to take a pen from her case, then offering it to Eriol. "You can have mine."

"Arigatou, Daidouji-san." His voice dropping low, reminding her quickly again of all the reasons she had fallen in love with him in the first place. Of course, _that _voice.

Their fingers briefly touched.

She pulled back immediately at the electricity that sent through her, but hoped it was not too obvious. "Doitashi mashite, Hiiragizawa-kun."

As quickly as they had communicated, she now turned back to face her homework once more, melancholy now running through her veins like strong, echoing emotions.

__

You dimwit. You blew it, Tomoyo Daidouji! You barely have this opportunity to speak to him, and now that he does, you actually turn your back on him! What exactly is your problem, Tomoyo? Are you that dense or what?

Her shoulders hunched, she realized her head was near to hitting the table.

__

Unrequited love just has to be this painful, isn't it?

She never knew of the concerned gaze from Eriol Hiiragizawa, nor the lingering eyes that never left her back thereafter……

"Daidouji-san! Chotto matte!" Li Syaoran called from the back, rushing forth to catch up with the raven-haired lady.

Tomoyo stopped in her tracks and turned, witnessing the amber-eyed boy in a fluster as he rushed up to her side, his books in a thick pile under his arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, where else?" Tomoyo looked surprised at the disheveled appearance of the boy. "What about you? Don't you have to walk Sakura home?"

Syaoran looked strangely quiet. "No, she has cheerleading practice today."

"Oh. Is something the matter then?" Tomoyo could not help looking concerned for the boy. It was seldom he approached her personally. "Did you two quarrel or meet up with a problem?"

"None of that sort." Syaoran took a step forward, offering to carry her books, "I'm here to talk to you, in fact."

"…I see." But she didn't see why he was here until the both of them walked silently towards a corner and turned around the bend.

There was long hesitation before Syaoran spoke. "You told me if you faced a problem, you wouldn't keep it to yourself…" He left the last part unquestioned.

Tomoyo's eyes widened surprisingly. "Li-kun…"

Syaoran spoke, raising a palm to signal her to quiet down. "Daidouji-san, please do remember that Sakura and I are your friends. We can help if you do have a problem." His eyes now penetrated like analytical minds to her. "You have been depriving yourself of sleep lately, haven't you?"

Silence. "I…I…"

"Sakura is worried about you." Syaoran looked to the cloudless sky. "And the fact that this problem revolves around an certain evil incarnate worries me even more."

Tomoyo felt her heart stop beating. How could Syaoran have known?

"W-Was it…Was it that obvious?" Tomoyo spoke so softly, Syaoran had to lean in to hear her question.

Syaoran hesitated, and spoke only after thinking through twice. "Maybe it is because I sit right beside the two of you. But you hide your feelings well, Daidouji-san."

"Not well enough, it seems…" Tomoyo trailed off but looked at Syaoran when she felt him pat her shoulder.

"It must be hard for you not to let him know."

Almost instantly, the tears were lingering upon her eyelashes, but Tomoyo refused to accept them as a term for vulnerability. She brushed them away before they could trickle down her cheeks.

"It is alright. I think it is better for him not to know."

Syaoran was silent for a moment, but when he spoke, his voice was like cloth - warm and embraceable, "Back then, I said that about Sakura to you before. You were the one who encouraged me to let her know, because you feel that it is right to share your feelings with someone. Such is a selfless behavior, you once said to me. Even if that someone may not share your feelings, she or he has a right to know…"

"These were your words, Daidouji-san."

All at once, Tomoyo felt such a rush of emotions overwhelming her heart that the tears welling in her eyes now shimmered like waterfall's silver, threatening to spill any moment.

Syaoran noticed it, and he stopped immediately. "I am sorry, Daidouji-san. I did not mean to make you upset, I just"

Tomoyo shook her head, smiling a sad smile. "It is alright, Li-kun. I just…I don't know. I do remember what I said back then, but this, I feel it is different for Hiiragizawa-kun."

Silence.

"Doushite?" Syaoran asked innocently.

Tomoyo spoke thoughtfully, "Hiiragizawa-kun has a lot of girls smitten with him. He speaks to them day in day out, and he is much too polite to refuse their endless questions. With the amount of attention he is getting…"

Syaoran finally understood. "You think he doesn't…see you?"

Tomoyo nodded a little, keeping her eyes fixed upon the canopy of leaves that now sheltered over their frames.

"Li-kun, if I have the courage to do so, I would most want to share my feelings with Hiiragizawa-kun himself. Demo ne, I am in no position to do so," Tomoyo traced a falling leaf with the briefest touch of her finger, "Because he is such a wonderful man, and I don't feel very much worthy of him."

Syaoran looked astonished, "Demo, you are a wonderful person yourself, Daidouji-san!" He fought to argue, now looking strong and a lot like the Syaoran-in-green-robes he was best for, "You're kind, understanding, thoughtful, and you have an exceptionally nice voice! Is that not enough?"

Sadly, Tomoyo shook her head. "Don't you see, Li-kun? These are all I have. For Hiiragizawa-kun, he is different." The autumn leaves falling before their sight now seemed like a passing memory to them. "He is the reincarnation of a powerful magician Clow Reed, he is a gifted scholar who aces his grades all the time, he is the prodigy child that impresses all musicians alive with his superior piano skills." Hollowness now suffused Tomoyo's eyes like infinite sorrow.

"He is such a wondrous person, Li-kun. I feel I cannot match up to him at all."

There was a very long silence as Syaoran took in the pain of his close friend's. He realized she was more in a dilemma then he was back then in love with Sakura. At least Sakura knew his existence and acknowledged him as Syaoran-kun eventually. As for Tomoyo, hers was different. He knew well that Eriol barely spoke to her in school.

That must have made her upset by alot, Syaoran thought grimly.

He turned towards Tomoyo, "What do you plan to do then, Daidouji-san?"

Tomoyo gave a reassuring smile, and squeezed Syaoran's hand in a gesture of appreciation. "I don't intend to do much. Eriol's happiness is my happiness."

Understanding clouded Syaoran's eyes. He, more than anyone, understood the pain of unrequited love and its sacrifices. "Are you sure you're okay with it?"

"I am open to other options." Tomoyo joked lightly, her eyes twinkling.

Syaoran gazed on, before looking away.

"You…will be strong, won't you, Daidouji-san?"

Another squeeze of his hand. "Hai, Li-kun. Zettai daijoubu. Please don't worry so much over me."

Their gazes exchanged for a long while, before Syaoran finally allowed a resigned smile to tilt his lips.

"You have a weird theory of happiness, demo, I wish you will find yours at the end of this road."

A pure, truly lit smile from the amethyst-eyed lady.

"Hai, I hope so myself that I will be happy one day."

As she said it, a tear leaked from her eye, just in time for Syaoran to catch it with a thumb. The amber-eyed boy pursed his lips, his eyes solemn and sad in feel for his close friend. He faced her wholly then, speaking.

"Demo, happy people don't cry."

****

Owari

In the count of three…san…ni…ichi… AWWWW! I felt so sad for Tomoyo as I wrote this, and certainly hope she does find her happiness at the end of this thought-to-be unrequited love! ) Syaoran is a nice friend, and I really hope Tomoyo find her strength to admit to Eriol one day. As for now, go Tomoyo!

chiri no tenshi


End file.
